Nate’s Reflections -Teenage Appetites
As I strolled along with Rusty Dawg, my trusty time-warping canine companion, I say “time-warping” because it takes him 45 minutes to take me on a 15-minute walk, but I digress. I couldn’t help but ponder the peculiar phenomenon of teenage boys and their seemingly insatiable appetites. It’s as if their stomachs have become bottomless pits having an inescapable gravitational force akin to cosmic black holes, except they’re only absorbing food at an alarming rate. I’ve heard whispers that NASA has a team specifically dedicated to secretly investigating this teenage boy hunger.
I chuckled to myself as I thought about my Marauder stepson and what I assume to be all high school football players. Those young men have stomachs that could rival those of professional eaters. They’ll raid the kitchen shortly after dinner, sometimes not even giving it a half-hour before they’re back at it, rummaging for something yet unknown. It’s like they have an internal alarm that goes off, a signal that screams, “It’s time to eat again!” There is no snooze or “off” button. I seriously believe I can add a quarter inch to my waist merely by walking through the kitchen, yet these guys can eat every 20 minutes and pack on muscle and tone. Rusty Dawg says it may be the hours of practice and hitting the weights; I am, however, not so sure. I think aliens abducted them and, in their stead, left us with young and voracious men in effort to reduce the food supply, so we’re all headed towards… Sorry, again, I digress.
And their texting habits? Every other message is a variation of “I’m hungry” or “What’s for dinner?” It’s as if they’ve formed a secret society solely dedicated to meal planning. I half expect them to have secret handshakes that involve passing around bags of chips.
But it’s not just the quantity of food they consume that astounds me; it’s also the variety. These teenage boys are culinary adventurers, always eager to try—I’ll say—exotic dishes. One minute it’s ramen noodles with a side of toast and jelly, and the next, it’s pork and rice paired with garlic wings. They’ll devour pizza as if it’s a competitive sport, and then wash it all down with a protein shake, as if that somehow balances things out. Maybe it does. All I know for sure is that I added another quarter inch to my waist simply by writing that.
As I continued my walk with Rusty Dawg, I couldn’t help but reflect on the grocery bills. The constant replenishing of the snack stash, buying bulk packages, and stocking up on gallons of milk sometimes made me wonder if I should set up a direct deposit from my bank account to the local grocery store. But then, Rusty Dawg reminded me that this “teenage-boy-hunger-thing” is just a phase, albeit a lengthy one.
Oh, and there’s something interesting happening at the local Applebee’s. They’re adjusting their wing prices higher after half the football team attacked their all-you-can-eat wing night, much like a pack of starving hyenas.
So, as I enjoyed my time with Rusty Dawg, I couldn’t help but appreciate the journey of watching these young men grow. Their appetites might be astronomical, but so is their ability for love, laughter, and making unforgettable memories.
To all the parents out there experiencing the never-ending hunger of teenage boys, take heart. The cost may be high, but the rewards are priceless. And who knows, perhaps one day NASA will crack the code behind this teenage boy phenomenon, and we’ll have a generation of hungry boys to thank for expanding our understanding of the universe—one meal at a time.
